PART 1 - 從那時起我加緊用功 FROM THEN ON I ACCELERATED MY EFFORTS

FROM THEN ON I ACCELERATED MY EFFORTS. It was at that time that I began sitting in meditation all night long, from dusk until dawn. While sitting one night I started focusing inward as usual. Because it had already developed a good, strong foundation, the citta easily entered into samadhi. So long as the citta rested there calmly, it remained unaware of external bodily feelings. But when I withdrew from samadhi many hours later I began to experience them in full. Eventually, my body was so racked by severe pain that I could hardly cope. The citta was suddenly unnerved, and its good, strong foundation completely collapsed. The entire body was filled with such excruciating pain that it quivered all over.

從那時起我加緊用功，也在那個時候我開始坐通宵，從傍晚至黎明。有一晚開始時我一如既往向內專注，由于它已建立起良好、堅強的基礎，心輕易地進入三摩地。只要心在定中休息，它就不會覺知外在身體的感受，當我在定中數個小時之後退出來，我可以充分地感覺到它。不久，我的身體劇烈疼痛起來，到令我難以忍受的地步。心突然失去力量，它那良好，堅強的基礎全面崩塌，整個身體疼痛得顫抖起來。

Thus began the bout of hand-to-hand combat that gave me insight into an important meditation technique. Until the unexpected appearance that night of such severe pain, I had not thought of trying to sit all night. I had never made a resolution of that kind. I was simply practicing seated meditation as I normally did, but when the pain began to overwhelm me, I thought: 「Hey, what』s going on here? I must make every effort to figure out this pain tonight.」 So I made the solemn resolve that no matter what happened I would not get up from my seat until dawn of the next day. I was determined to investigate the nature of pain until I understood it clearly and distinctly. I would have to dig deep. But, if need be, I was willing to die in order to find out the truth about pain.

結果，這開始了一場肉搏斗，並且最終讓我洞見一項重要的禪修技巧。在發生出乎意料之劇痛的那一夜之前，我不曾想過要坐通宵，也從不曾發過類似的願。我只是像往常一樣坐禪，可是當被疼痛淹沒時，我想到：「嘿，到底怎麼了？我今晚一定要盡全力搞清楚這疼痛。」我遂發了一個莊重的願：無論發生什麼，不到隔天破曉我絕不下座。我下定決心要檢查清楚並明白疼痛的本質，我會深深地挖掘，如有需要，我願意為找出疼痛的真相而獻出生命。

Wisdom began to tackle this problem in earnest. Before I found myself cornered like that with no way out, I never imagined that wisdom could be so sharp and incisive. It went to work, relentlessly whirling around as it probed into the source of the pain with the determination of a warrior who never retreats or accepts defeat. This experience convinced me that in moments of real crisis wisdom arises to meet the challenge. We are not fated to be ignorant forever—when truly backed into a corner we are bound to be able to find a way to help ourselves. It happened to me that night. When I was cornered and overwhelmed by severe pain, mindfulness and wisdom just dug into the painful feelings.

智慧開始真誠地應對這個問題。在這之前我發現自己已被逼入絕路，沒想到智慧會那麼鋒利尖銳。一開始工作，智慧就像個絕不放棄、不投降的戰士般，堅定不休止地朝疼痛的根源不斷迴旋探查。這一次的經驗讓我深信，遇到真正的危機時，智慧會挺身而出面對挑戰，我們不是命中注定要永遠愚痴的——真正被逼入絕境時，我們有能力尋找解決的方法。那天晚上，這情形發生在我身上，被劇痛淹沒逼入絕境時，念住和智慧鑽入痛覺中。

The pain began as hot flashes along the backs of my hands and feet, but that was really quite mild. When it arose in full force, the entire body was ablaze with pain. All the bones, and the joints connecting them, were like fuel feeding the fire that engulfed the body. It felt as though every bone in my body was breaking apart; as though my neck would snap and my head drop to the floor. When all parts of the body hurt at once, the pain is so intense that one doesn』t know how to begin stemming the tide long enough just to breathe.

開始時我手腳背疼痛得像電灼般，不過這實在算是輕度的了。疼痛到達極端時，四肢百骸像在熊熊烈火里那般的痛，所有的骨頭、關節好像被澆燃料遭烈火吞噬般。身體里面的每一根骨頭似乎都斷裂粉碎了，我的頸項好像折斷而頭掉到地面上了，身體的每一部分同時遭受劇痛，疼痛劇烈到連耐著喘口氣都不行。

This crisis left mindfulness and wisdom with no alternative but to dig down into the pain, searching for the exact spot where it felt most severe. Mindfulness and wisdom probed and investigated right where the pain was greatest, trying to isolate it so as to see it clearly. 「Where does this pain originate? Who suffers the pain?」 They asked these questions of each bodily part and found that each one of them remained in keeping with its own intrinsic nature. The skin was skin, the flesh was flesh, the tendons were tendons, and so forth. They had been so from the day of birth. Pain, on the other hand, is something that comes and goes periodically; it』s not always there in the same way that flesh and skin are. Ordinarily, the pain and the body appear to be all bound up together. But are they really?

危機令念住與智慧無法可施，唯有深入挖掘疼痛，找出最強烈的疼痛點，念住和智慧探索觀察疼痛最強的部位，嘗試把它隔離以便可以清楚檢視之。「這疼痛的根源在哪里？誰在承受疼痛？」它們對每一個部位問這問題，發現每一個部位都只有它們自身的特質罷了。皮膚是皮膚，肌肉是肌肉，腱是腱，以此類推，自從出生以來它們就是這個樣子。另一方面，疼痛則在某段時間來去，不像肌肉皮膚般始終在那里。通常疼痛和身體似乎是一體，可是，真相確實是如此嗎？

Focusing inward I could see that each part of the body was a physical reality. What is real stays that way. As I searched the mass of bodily pain, I saw that one point was more severe than all the others. If pain and body are one, and all parts of the body are equally real, then why was the pain stronger in one part than in another? So I tried to separate out and isolate each aspect. At that point in the investigation, mindfulness and wisdom were indispensable. They had to sweep through the areas that hurt and then whirl around the most intense ones, always working to separate the feeling from the body. Having observed the body, they quickly shifted their attention to the pain, then to the citta. These three: body, pain and citta, are the major principles in this investigation.

往內專注，我可以看到身體的每一部位都是一個真實的物體。真實的就這樣存在。我搜尋身體內那團疼痛時，我可以看到某一點比其他部分強烈。如果疼痛和身體是一體，而身體的每一部位都同樣真實，那為什麼某一部位的疼痛會比其他部位來得強？我嘗試把每個層面分隔開來。在觀察工作中，念住和智慧不可分離，它們掃描疼痛的部位然後在最劇烈處迴旋，不斷把感受從身體分隔開來。觀察了身體之後，它們快速地轉移過去注意疼痛，然後是心。這三個：身體、疼痛和心，是主要的觀察對象。

Although the bodily pain was obviously very strong, I could see that the citta was calm and unafflicted. No matter how much discomfort the body suffered, the citta was not distressed or agitated. This intrigued me. Normally the kilesas join forces with pain, and this alliance causes the citta to be disturbed by the body』s suffering. This prompted wisdom to probe into the nature of the body, the nature of pain and the nature of the citta until all three were perceived clearly as separate realities, each true in its own natural sphere.

雖然身體的疼痛是那麼強烈，我卻看到心平靜不受影響，不論身體遭受多麼強烈的不舒適，心不受干擾折磨。這引起我的興趣，通常煩惱會和疼痛聯合，然後這結合體令心受身體的痛苦擾亂。這引起智慧探索身體的本性、疼痛的本性和心的本性，直到三者清楚地認知出是不同的真實，每一真實都有各自的領域。

I saw clearly that it was the citta that defined feeling as being painful and unpleasant. Otherwise, pain was merely a natural phenomenon that occurred. It was not an integral part of the body, nor was it intrinsic to the citta. As soon as this principle became absolutely clear, the pain vanished in an instant. At that moment, the body was simply the body—a separate reality on its own. Pain was simply feeling, and in a flash that feeling vanished straight into the citta. As soon as the pain vanished into the citta, the citta knew that the pain had disappeared. It just vanished without a trace.

我清楚看到，是心給感受定義為疼痛和不舒適。不然，疼痛就只是一種自然現象，它不是身體的一部分，也不在心里面。當這個道理變得透徹時，疼痛瞬間消失。那時，身體就只是身體——其本身是一個分開的真實。疼痛只是感受，在一瞬間感受直接在心中消失。疼痛在心中消失的同時，心知道疼痛已經消失，消失到不留痕跡。

In addition, the entire physical body vanished from awareness. At that moment I was not consciously aware of the body at all. Only a simple and harmonious awareness remained, alone on its own. That』s all. The citta was so exceedingly refined as to be indescribable. It simply knew—a profoundly subtle inner state of awareness pervaded. The body had completely disappeared. Although my physical form still sat in meditation, I was completely unconscious of it. The pain too had disappeared. No physical feelings were left at all. Only the citta』s essential knowing nature remained. All thinking had stopped; the mind was not forming a single thought. When thinking ceases, not the slightest movement disturbs the inner stillness. Unwavering, the citta remains firmly fixed in its own solitude.

此外，這個色身從覺知中消失。那時我完全沒有意識到身體，只剩下單純和諧的覺知獨自存在，就是這樣。心精緻微細得那麼難以形容，它只是知道——一個內在非常精緻的覺知彌漫著。身體完全消失，雖然色身仍然坐在那兒，可是我完全沒有意識到它。疼痛也消失了，完全沒有身體的感覺。只是心知道的根本特性存在，所有的思想停止下來，意識連一個念頭也沒有生起。當思想停息時，連一絲最微細的波動都沒有，內在的平靜不受干擾，心不動搖牢牢地獨自存在。

Due to the power of mindfulness and wisdom, the hot, searing pain that afflicted my body had vanished completely. Even my body had disappeared from consciousness. The knowing presence existed alone, as though suspended in midair. It was totally empty, but at the same time vibrantly aware. Because the physical elements did not interact with it, the citta had no sense that the body existed. This knowing presence was a pure and solitary awareness that was not connected to anything whatsoever. It was awesome, majestic and truly magnificent.

念住與智慧的力量使得那烈火般煎烤身體的疼痛完全消失，連我的身體也從意識中消失。能知獨自存在，彷彿懸浮在半空中，它全然的空，但同時又充滿活力地覺知。因為身體的元素不再與它互動，心就不再感受到身體的存在。這個能知只是一個單純獨立的覺知，和任何東西都沒有聯系，它令人敬畏、宏偉，實在的莊嚴。

It was an incredibly amazing experience. The pain was completely gone. The body had disappeared. An awareness so fine and subtle that I cannot describe it was the only thing not to disappear. It simply appeared, that』s all I can say. It was a truly amazing inner state of being. There was no movement—not even the slightest rippling—inside the citta. It remained fully absorbed in stillness until enough time had elapsed, then it stirred as it began to withdraw from samadhi. It rippled briefly and then went quiet again.

這是不可思議、令人驚嘆的經驗。疼痛完全消失，身體也不見了，唯一剩下的只是一個那麼精細微妙無法形容的覺知，我所能說的是它僅僅是存在罷了。這是一個真正令人驚嘆的內在境界。心里面沒有活動——連最微細的波動都沒有，它完全滲入這定境中，直到過了足夠的時間，開始從三摩地中退出來時才波動，它微微波動之後再靜止下來。

This rippling happens naturally of its own accord. It cannot be intended. Any intention brings the citta right back to normal consciousness. When the citta absorbed in stillness has had enough, it begins to stir. It is aware that a ripple stirs briefly and then ceases. Some moments later it ripples briefly again, disappearing in the same instant. Gradually, the rippling becomes more and more frequent. When the citta has converged to the very base of samadhi, it does not withdraw all at once. This was very evident to me. The citta rippled only slightly, meaning that a sankhara formed briefly only to disappear before it could become intelligible. Having rippled, it just vanished. Again and again it rippled and vanished, gradually increasing in frequency until my citta eventually returned to ordinary consciousness. I then became aware of my physical presence, but the pain was still gone. Initially I felt no pain at all, and only slowly did it begin to reappear.

這個波動是自動自發的，不能故意為之，任何作意都會把心帶回平常的意識狀態中。當心滲入在定中夠長時間了，它就開始波動，它覺知到波動短暫盪漾然後就平息下來。過一陣子它再次短暫波動，並在同時間消失。逐漸的，波動的次數越來越頻密。當心集中定在三摩地的根本時，它不會一下就退出來，這對我而言很明顯。心只是稍微波動，意思是說行(sankh?ra)短暫形成，在還未被認清楚之前就消失了。一波動就消失，一次又一次，波動了就消失，然後慢慢地增加次數直到心逐漸退回平常的意識。接著我意識到身體，不過疼痛已消失無蹤，開始時完全沒有疼痛，慢慢的它才回來。

This experience reinforced the solid spiritual foundation in my heart with an unshakable certainty. I had realized a basic principle in contending with pain: pain, body and citta are all distinctly separate phenomena. But because of a single mental defilement—delusion—they all converge into one. Delusion pervades the citta like an insidious poison, contaminating our perceptions and distorting the truth. Pain is simply a natural phenomenon that occurs on its own. But when we grab hold of it as a burning discomfort, it immediately becomes hot—because our defining it in that way makes it hot.

這次經驗帶來不可動搖的證信，加強我內心堅實的修行基礎。我覺悟到與疼痛搏斗的基本道理：疼痛、身體和心全部是明顯分開的現象，但是由于一個心理染污——無明——它們合成一體。無明就像無色無味的毒藥滲透入心，染污我們的認知並且扭曲事實。疼痛只是自發的自然現象，我們緊抓著以為它是燃燒的痛苦，它就立刻變熱——因為我們的詮釋使它變熱。

After awhile the pain returned, so I had to tackle it again—without retreating. I probed deep into the painful feelings, investigating them as I had done before. But this time I could not use the same investigative techniques that I had previously used to such good effect. Techniques employed in the past were no longer relevant to the present moment. In order to keep pace with internal events as they unfolded I needed fresh tactics, newly devised by mindfulness and wisdom and tailor-made for present circumstances. The nature of the pain was still the same, but the tactics had to be suitable to the immediate conditions. Even though I had used them successfully once before, I could not remedy the new situation by holding on to old investigative techniques. Fresh, innovative techniques were required, ones devised in the heat of battle to deal with present-moment conditions. Mindfulness and wisdom went to work anew, and before long the citta once again converged to the very base of samadhi.

一會兒之後疼痛回來了，我得再次上前對付它，深入探索疼痛的感受，就像之前那樣觀察它。可是現在我不能用回和上次同樣的觀察技巧，儘管那帶來良好的效果。這是因為那之前用過的技巧與當下的狀況不相應，為了跟得上內部浮現的狀態，我需要針對眼前的發展，以念住和智慧設定新的技巧。疼痛的本質還是一樣，可是技巧得適應當下的情境。即使以前已成功應用過一次，可是我不能用回這些舊技巧應付新情況，而是依據當下戰斗的劇烈程度采用不同的、創新的技巧。念住和智慧重新工作，不久心又再次集中到三摩地的根本。

During the course of that night the citta converged like this three times, but I had to engage in bouts of hand-to-hand combat each time. After the third time, dawn came, bringing to a close that decisive showdown. The citta emerged bold, exultant and utterly fearless. Fear of death ceased that night.

這晚的修行，心這樣集中入定三次，每一次我都必須貼身搏斗廝殺。第三次之後，破曉了，決定性的格斗終于落幕。心表現得勇猛、踴躍和絕對的無畏。那晚，死亡的恐懼消失了。